You're my little dorito
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
