WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
