well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
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I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
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Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here