i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
