Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
