She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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