So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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