8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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