Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
