I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
