bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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