I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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