Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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