is your mom at the bar?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
