Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
