we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
