I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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