i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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