I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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