I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
