I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
