Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
