So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
