You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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