addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
