my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize