the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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