he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
