Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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