One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
