Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
