You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
