Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
