I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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