He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
