i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize