I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
