alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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