I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
