He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
