you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
