Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize