I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
