i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
