Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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