apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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