Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
