6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
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