i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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