In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
