grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
