so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
