I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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