It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
