please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
