My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
