It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
