oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
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She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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