party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
