Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
