My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
