Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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