I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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