she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
