Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
