At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
