my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think people are normalizing furries
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
