Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
