nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
