First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
