if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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