My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
