rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
