YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
no you cant smoke seaweed
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
