he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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