I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
